Who Are The Expendables?
We profile the most action-packed cast ever assembled. Read at your own risk.
Ketä he ovat
Sylvester Stallone
The leader of the crew, as well as the writer/director/mastermind of the film. Stallone is Barney Ross, top honcho of the expendable gang of mercenaries sent in to take down a ruthless South American dictator and free the populace of his country. Expect big punches and a certain amount of mumbling.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
11
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Together at last: Schwarzenegger and Stallone! Schwarzenegger will reportedly be playing either a cameo role as the Governor of California (a bit of a stretch)or "something a bit more gritty, scarred and brutalised" - economy of California permitting.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
13
Jet Li
Li is Kong Kao, and that's about all we know on his character. But one would be a fool to discount the possibility of Li opening up a whole heap of high kicks as a martial arts expert, even if he said that he'd retired from kung fu movies (although that was before The Mummy 3 and The Forbidden Kingdom).
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
14
Dolph Lundgren
The Swedish muscle man worked with Stallone before as the dastardly Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, which is enough to have fans foaming at the mouth for a reteam. He's playing Gunnar Jensen here, so we're thinking generic Euro-hard man with a sideline in, let's say, strangling people.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
12
Danny Trejo
Machete himself is rumoured to be playing the South American dictator that the group are taking down - so he's no namby-pamby politician but a terrifying action dude in his own right. We're thinking cigar, we're thinking Che-style combats, we're thinking big ol' machete for good measure. Run in fear, gringo scum!
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
11
Jason Statham
The new action king, The Stath has made a reputation for himself over three Transporters and two Cranks- as well as previously starring with Li in War. We're thinking his Lee Christmas will be the Cockney wide boy explosives expert, cause why not? We'd also put even money on shirtlessness for a chunk of the film.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
11
Forest Whitaker
Wait, an Oscar winner? How did he get in? But don't forget, Whitaker has a fine tradition of cheesy starring roles, from Species to Battlefield Earth - and as shown in Ghost Dog he's (surprisingly perhaps) a lifelong martial artist, so he can handle any gunning down hordes of bad guys necessary as Agent Will Sands.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
12
Mickey Rourke
Rourke recently announced that he's doing The Expendables over the chance of playing a villain in Iron Man 2, which means he must be enthused over the chance to play "Emanuel", who we're going to wildly speculate is a dodgy arms dealer type. An ex-professional boxer and recently The Wrestler, Rourke clearly deserves his place.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
11
Eric Roberts
Replacing the oft-rumoured Ben Kingsley for the role of CIA Agent Monroe, we're guessing that the perpetually untrustworthy Roberts will be playing a character with an agenda of his own, which might not quite fit with the aims of the Expendables themselves.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
9
Randy Couture
A pox on these movie hard men! Couture is a five-time Ultimate Fighting Championship champion, so he could probably tear apart most of this list - maybe not Jet Li. Expect his 'Hale Caesar' (best. Character name. Ever.) to be a man of few words but much violence.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
19
Aaron Aguilera
A former WWF fighter, Aguilera boasts such trademark moves as the Flying Elbow, Reverse Russian Legsweep and two very appropriate moves for this South American-set tale: South of the Border and Montezuma's Revenge. OK, those are more Mexican, but we're still saying he's earned his place here.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
16
Scott Adkins
Another real-life tough guy, martial arts expert Adkins just got done kicking Wolverine's ass in the upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine film, so you know he's got the stuff. He'll play the well-monikered Dan Paine, but we're saying he won't last till the end credits. Should open up some good whoop ass first though.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
14
Sandra Bullock
It's rumoured that Speed's leading lady, who of course worked with Stallone on Demolition Man, might be back for another helping of Sly. But the big question is whether she'll be a hostage, a damsel in other distress, a love interest or all the above. Chances of any significant ass-kickery? Slim to none.
HARDNESS RATING
(OUT OF 10)
2
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