In The Year 2000
"Yassar Arafat is forced back into his compound. This time because he won't stop singing Pink's Get This Party Started."
"In an effort to be more appealing the flu will change it's name to 'THe Flumeister'."
"Tired of the rumors that he's gay, Liza Minnelli's husband publicly has sex with one hundred women. One hundred large bald women with handlebar mustaches."
" Huey Lewis and the News will form a Huey Lewis and the News tribute band, just to prove that someone might actually do that."
"Tony Danza will refuse to play any more characters named 'Tony.' The first role he gets after making this announcement: a bartender named 'Doug Danza.'"
"I, Mr. T, will reveal that I do not have a mohawk haircut, I just went bald on both sides of my head."
"Oral sex will be available in pill form. Unfortunately, it will be a suppository."
"Animal experts will discover that the reason mountain goats live in the mountains is that they can get drunk faster."
"Already reeling from the ongoing sex scandal, the Catholic Church will lose millions more followers, when Pope John Paul II appears on his balcony wearing acid-washed jeans."
"The expression 'time will tell' will be proven invalid, when time refuses to tell what happened after it walked Debbie home from that party."
"Mr. T has a son that he names after himself. To avoid confusion the boy is known as Mr. Lowercase T."
"Conan O' Brien will be pitied not be me as a fool, but by fools as a superfool."